Iām writing this post at the end of January, just over 3 months before our wedding. And I have no idea whatās to come in the next few months of planning, but Iām currently lying in bed at 1am, unable to sleep because Iām feeling stressed and anxious. And Iām absolutely DONE with this feeling taking over and spoiling my experience, so Iām going to find a way to deal and manage it!
Every element of wedding planning is a mammoth task, it all takes so much TIME and there’s SO MANY things involved with each element you’re planning. Even something as simple as *wracks brain trying to think of the easiest part of wedding planning so far* the favours, can be turned into a marathon of multiple emails, tastings, design ideas, design approval, deposits, invoices, contract signing, final preparations…all with a smile on your face – because itās your wedding, of course! Even listing it doesnāt seem to give it the credit it deserves! Whilst itās very easy to say ājust ask for helpā, itās really not as simple as that, when youāre the one managing the day. Itās incredibly time consuming and life encompassing, and thereās no way around that (unless you have someone else planning it for you)! I assume that itāll be much easier to ask for help when the day gets closer and we need help organising and doing, rather than just the booking/planning that Iām doing now.
So, itās only natural, that whilst youāre trying to plan the wedding youāve dreamed of since you were a kid, manage your budget and keep everyone happy (along with everything else going on with planning and, you know, WORK and LIFE), you allow your mental health to deteriorate. Itās so easily done, but I really hope I can find a way around this.
The plan: to make a list of things that I think I might help alleviate these feelings. And then make a conscious effort to take my own advice over the next couple of months – I’m one of those people happy to give advice, but terrible at taking my own! I pray it works. Shout out to my incredible Maid of Honour (I know you’re technically a ‘matron’ because you’re married, but it doesn’t have the same ring to it!), whoās been so wise and supportive when Iāve needed her (as always). And a couple of her pointers made this list. I love you girl š
1. Make a checklist š
Iām a sucker for a checklist anyway, but with SO many things to do, any bride will want one! Itās an overwhelming list, and I find it so easy to see all the things Iām yet to do, panic, and try to do everything as soon as I can! But thatās not realistic, not when half of the things on there wonāt/canāt happen till 4 weeks before the big day! But checking things off as you get them done will really help.
2. Formal planning time š
Related to point 1…have a list with dates of when you can/need to do things by. It shows that you’re on top of things and that you don’t need to have everything finished just yet! Then step back and distance yourself. Have a date/time each week when you review the list to check your progress…this way, you don’t need to think about it the rest of the time.
3. Make time to spend with a loved one š
Ban all wedding talk if you want, or take the opportunity to vent, but set a coffee date with a special person. Someone who you know will distract you/calm you down/let you talk your frustrations out/talk you through problems.
4. Equally, make time for you š
Find an activity that you find peaceful and calming, and devote time to that, and that alone – don’t get distracted! Reading in the bath, colouring, yoga – whatever it is, set aside time for you and it, and allow yourself to become completely immersed in āchillā.
5. Talk to your venue contact š
They do this for a living, itās second nature. So if you have a question, why are you stressing about not knowing, assuming an answer, or googling it? Ask! Youāll feel better!
6. Write down any problems š
My wonderful Maid of Honour once told me (years ago now!) to keep a notepad by my bedside for any of those nights when you have a million things flying round your head. This has proved to be invaluable advice, as the nights are when I seem to struggle most with overthinking. Sometimes even writing a problem down, without necessarily solving it, can make you feel better.
7. Be honest š¬
Talk things out with your fiancĆ©, bridesmaid, parent, sibling or friend, don’t keep it all bottled up. Even just getting things out in the open and off your chest can feel like a weightās been lifted. They love you, theyāll take the time to listen, and help if they can.
8. Get some fresh air š
Whether you go on a walk by yourself in silence or with your earphones in, fresh air will do you the world of good!
9. Plan a month in advance š
This was a piece of advice I saw on a website over summer. The woman had planned her wedding, imagining it was a month earlier…which meant that even the smaller things (that you might forget about, or stress over at the last minute) like service cards, tealights and bathroom basket were taken care of! This left her and her fiance with a calm and stress free few weeks in the run up to the wedding. I canāt remember where I read it, otherwise I would give credit, but organisation Queen over here loves that idea! I hope it works…
10. Itās YOUR DAY make YOUR DECISIONS š°š¤µ
SO many people have said this to me. And thankyou, I salute you, because this has turned into a little mantra. Thereās so much drama that can go on with a wedding, from family politics to the table runners being the wrong shade of blue. Whilst you will accommodate certain needs and politely take suggestions into consideration, remember itās YOUR DAY. This is the first page of a brand new book, and the start of the rest of your lives together. For everyone else there, however close you are – itās just another (very lovely, hopefully!) day. If you know that thereās a certain detail or two that will stress you out for months in advance, or youāll hate on the day, just donāt do it, simple!
11. Take a breath, try and find a solution šŖ
Whether your brainās in a muddle over the seating plan for the third hour, the vendor you really wanted to use canāt supply a specific item you had your heart set on, or you canāt have the band/DJ you wanted – itāll be okay. Naturally, when itās your wedding, every task becomes personal because you invest so much in it. Every element is just one building block in the tower that is āyour big dayā. And sometimes, something will happen that will shake the tower, or a brick will be removed, and youāll feel like youāre absolutely powerless to keep it all together. Take a moment, take a breath…find a solution. Work out HOW youāre going to deal with that problem guest, talk to family, source other vendors, get on Pinterest and fall in love with a new decor idea, ask for recommendations from whoever let you down, knowing theyāll recommend similar products/services to their own. I promise, that as soon as you find a solution to the problem, your stress and anxiety will melt away.
12. Acceptance š
Nobody can control everything. You can only do what you can and then ride out the rest. Focus time on accepting that what will be, will be, and be disciplined when your mind tries to tell you that you need to control everything. You don’t! Things will fall into place.
If you reached this point, well done and THANKYOU for sticking with it. This is probably the longest post Iāve ever written, and I had no intention of it turning into an essay…but itās something I felt passionately about sharing. Itās something Iām sure every bride and/or couple will struggle with, and if I can help in any way, itās worth the rambling!
lifewithlynette 